Forgive yourself
by si13ntm0n5t3r
Summary: Elsa had a very lonely childhood that made her depressed at some point. In result of that she did something she regretted. It was when she had gotten older that she had finally dealt with her problems. But when she sees Anna deal with the same problems she had struggled with for so long Elsa is forced to reveal her dark secret to her sister. TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for any grammar and spelling mistakes. This is a short chapter. Enjoy reading :)**

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 **ELSA'S POV**

In the last couple of days I had noticed my sister acting very strange. Anna wasn't as happy as usual and I didn't fail to notice her loss of appetite. Well something was wrong and I was discussing in my mind if I should ask her if something was bothering her. On the other hand she could always come talk to me. I would always have time for her if she had a problem. So I decided to wait.

Well a few days later I overheard an argument between Anna and Kristoff. I thought it was gonna be alright. It was normal for a couple to have arguments sometimes right? I shrugged off that uneasy feeling.

Two days later when I had some paper stuff to do and needed Anna to sign something as the princess of Arendelle I knocked on Anna's door. "Yeah, wait a minute. I'm coming." came Anna's voice from the other side of the door. She opened the door and was pulling down her her top.

"I was just changing my clothes." she said.

"May I come in?" I asked.

"Yes, of course." Anna stepped aside and closed the door behind me.

"I'm sorry to disturb you but I need a signature on these papers from you as the princess of Arendelle and the rightful heir if anything should happen to me."

"Oh, okay."

We walked to her table and she took the papers and singed them. While Anna was signing the papers I studied her and I noticed how frail she actually looked. She had gotten thinner over the last weeks. And she somehow seemed so small. I was on her left side looking at her shoulder when my eyes wandered a little lower to her upper arm. My eyes widened in shock at what I was seeing. There were thin red lines covering her skin. My eyes were fixated on the spot and the only thing I could register was my heart pounding in my chest. _bump..bump..bump_

 _NO. Not her. Not Anna._ I thought. I didn't know what I was feeling at that moment. Fear? Fear of what? Concern? Concern for my sister? Anger? For doing something like that to herself? For cutting herself?

In that moment I felt lost. I knew that it was partly because of Anna and because of myself. Because of my past. My childhood. It was a secret that I had kept to myself. It was a mistake I had made when I was younger. Yes I had cut myself but I dealt with it. And now the same thing was happening to Anna. To my little sister who I love dearly. Why her of all people? Even if the pain is unbearable I'd gladly suffer in her stead.

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 **So this is the first chapter. There will be a second chapter which I'll update as soon as I can. PLLLEEEAAASSSSEEEE REVIEW, REVIEW AND REVIEW. (*.*)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for any grammar and spelling mistakes. This will be the last chapter. Characters might be OOC.**

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 **ELSA'S POV**

Since the night I learnt that Anna was cutting herself I have been very very worried about her. The thing I was asking myself over and over again was _why?_ Why was she self harming? Why doesn't she come to me? Why doesn't she talk with me?

' _Oh yeah right. Why talk to someone who hadn't been there for you when you were going through a tough time.'_ I thought about the deaths of our parents. Anna had been pleading in front of my door to come out and talk to her. She didn't want to grieve alone. Of course I hadn't been feeling any better but… Was there a _but_? I don't know if I could have done something. With my powers especially in a bad time like that, I think I would have gone on a rampage. But that was in the past now. I can do something now. I am not in that weak state anymore and I am here for Anna if she ever needs me.

So I was thinking about confronting her about it. I knew that after waiting for a couple days and few occasions where I tried letting some _You know you can to me about anything, right?_

words fall out of my mouth that I had to make the first move. I needed to do it very carefully because I knew that Anna would probably feel offended.

This evening I decided to confront Anna about hurting herself. It definitely was gonna be tough but I had to do this. I had to save Anna from herself.

So I went down the hall to her room and stood a minute in front of her door taking a few deep breaths. I raised my hand and knocked on the door. "Anna can I come in?"

"Yeah, the door is open." Anna said with a muffled voice.

I stepped into the room and saw Anna lying on her bed her face buried in her pillow. something must have happened. "Anna are you okay? Did something happen?" I asked concerned.

"No, everything is fine." I knew it was a lie.

It was silent for a moment until I decided to speak up. "Ehemm…, Anna you know as I have told you a few times before that you can talk to me when something is bothering you. Or whatever you want to talk about, I am here if you need me. I can see that something is bothering you." I said trying to make Anna understand.

"Really, Elsa I'm fine." Anna sat up and put up her hands.

"Anna you don't need to act like everything is fine. I know it's not. Please Anna talk to me, please. I am worried about you." I looked at Anna with pleading eyes.

"Elsa,…." Well actually Anna didn't want to talk about it. But looking at me being worried about her and almost pleading, her heart fell apart. Anna let her tears fall and her walls crumble. it didn't take long for her to let someone in. She had been holding everything inside until she exploded. She sobbed and cried into my shoulder.

"Ssshhhh.., it's going to be okay. Everything's going to be fine." I whispered into Anna's ear rocking her.

"Elsa… I.. I h..hurt my..myself. I cut myself." Anna whined. She buried her face into my shoulder in shame not wanting to look at me.

I took a deep breath. This was getting to me. My heart was pounding and I was getting emotional. "Anna shhh.. it's okay."

"No Elsa. I cut myself. It's not okay. I did something wrong. Do you know what it is like? I will have to live with my mistake for the rest of my life. The scars won't just fade so easily." Anna was calming down.

"Anna-"

"And the worst part is that I knew it was wrong and did it otherwise. I wanted it. I wanted to drown in pain." Anna sobbed. "Kristoff….we had a fight. He said something about not being pretty enough. I'm like any other girl. He told me that I was always being annoying. He didn't even know why we were still together. What was the point? So we broke up a couple days ago. I was thinking that everything was my fault. It hurts. Elsa it hurts so much." my sister began crying and trembling again.

"I know. Believe me, I know." I said. My voice shaking.

"You do?" Anna looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"Yes." I took a deep breath and rolled up my left sleeve for my sister to see the old scars that were on my skin. Even after like 6 years they were still there.

"Oh my god… Elsa" Anna looked at me with wide eyes. "Wh.. why? When? Why haven't you ever told me?"

"It was around 6 years ago. I know that you had a lonely childhood and all that. But I had one too. You were on the other side of that door always begging me to let you in or come out and build a snowman. You didn't know but it always hit me hard. That incident where you could have died, it was my fault. Those words were always in my mind. _It's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault._ Me and my ice powers almost cost you your life and I could have never, never forgiven myself if something had happened to you. You know, once you think like that the negative thoughts will always come back. I started thinking that I was a monster. That I was never meant to be and that I had to pay for it. I had no place in our family. I thought that my existence was unimportant. You had to hate me for not being a real sister to you. I was a disgrace as a sister and as a daughter. I started to hate myself. I didn't understand myself anymore. At the same time I felt unbearable pain and emptiness inside. Like I was just lost. So I cut myself. I did it as punishment and because I wanted to feel the physical pain. The reasons behind our actions aren't the same but I know how much you are hurting." I took a deep breath after telling Anna that. I felt some tears running down my cheeks.

"Elsa, I'm so sorry. I didn't know that you have been suffering so much." Anna said wiped my tears away.

"It's okay now. That was in the past. I have been struggling with self harming for quite some time. But I dealt with it Anna. And you need too. Do you know how much it hurts to know that you might be cutting yourself any time? That you are hurting yourself? I'm your sister and I love you Anna. So please don't hurt yourself again. "

"But..But how? I don't know how. It's not like I can just stop cutting myself." Anna looked helpless.

"I know. I know it will be difficult. But I'm here for you now. I will help you. You are not alone and we will get through this together." I took Anna's hand in mine and looked into her eyes. I had to be her rock. The one who caught her if she ever fell down.

"Oh Elsa…." Anna didn't know what to say and just embraced me. I embraced her back and was just happy that the secrets between us were out. Telling her about me self harming myself made me feel good.

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 **"** **It's easy for people to joke about scars if the've never been cut."**

 **\- William Shakespeare**

 **Just a quote for people who don't take self harming seriously. There are people who have problems and don't deal with them like normal people. That takes us to the question: What do you see as "normal". Everybody is different. Everybody thinks different. Everybody feels different. And everybody hurts different. Whatever the reason, people are suffering all around the world.**

 **Please review (*.*)**


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